Yay I'm 21!

I thought turning 21 is supposed to be a huge thing? It was anti-climactic for me. Just had a mass mini-celebration for all the Feb-born teachers and staff during Contact Time on the 3rd. Bought myself a slice of cake on the 4th. That's it. Pathetic eh.

My posts need to have more pictures lah.

Don't really want to talk about SHINee's visit here. I still get pangs of sadness when I see pictures or fancams or read fanaccounts. But oh well. Things just go back to normal. And I still wanna marry Onew.

ROFL.

It's just.. It's been a while. Since my heart was let down again. I'm disappointed but I guess I'm fine with it. I mean, what else is new? So I just continue living my life. Luckily I didn't put my whole heart into this. And I have no idea what you're thinking. Are you crazy?? What are you trying to do? At least I know better now.

"Fate is like a strange, unpopular restaurant filled with odd little waiters who bring you things you never asked for and don't always like."
- Lemony Snicket

So you just have to wait until someone comes along and serves you something you like.

Argh I barely have the time to read books anymore. ):

It's February already. I have a feeling I'm not gonna get a good 21st. It has already been bad these past few days.

SHINee's been here for three days already and we still haven't even seen them properly yet. What do we have to do? Sure we have alot of info, but instead of seeing them, we divert all those crazy screechy fans away from them. They stalk us like fuck. So instead of leading them to SHINee, we bring them somewhere else. Lol. WHY ARE THOSE FANS STALKING US EVEN. D: D:

It's unfair. We can see them but we can't. In order to not make them uncomfortable. And wtf, can you people not SCREECH all the freaking time?? You all should know that the human eardrums don't take to high-pitch screeching well. Wtf. If only you all learn to behave, then we'd be more than happy to lead you TO them.

This sucks so much.

And omg WD. T.T What is happening? I don't get it. It's not a good feeling. It makes me more sad than ever above everything else. Sigh.

So many things are throwing me off lately. And amidst all that, I get a message from someone wishing me an advanced 21st coz he won't be able to contact me when the day comes. It comforted me so much, I simply wanted to cry harder. And then I just got more sad. Thank you for wishing me. (:

Why do I work so hard on certain things? Why do I even bother? When I'm passionate about something, I really go all out. You wouldn't call it your passion otherwise. But why are they all making me feel so stressed and sad.

I have things to do but I'm not doing them haha.

I take it back. I prefer Maths to English!

Because English is too free-flow and random. You can do anything. And that will only make me more overwhelmed, like WHAT WHAT am I supposed to do??

Maths is easy. Just follow the system. :D

I've got goals to achieve. Rushing the syllabus coz we're a little behind. Let's do this girls!

Catch me on TV, Dikir Puteri, Suria, starting this Tues, 7.30pm. I think. Lol. We're all not even going to get to see ourselves coz we have training. :/ It's kinda embarrassing to see myself in the preview all. But we spent so many tiring hours shooting already. So I must do a shameless plug. :D :D

Competition in a weeks' time. @.@

Same day as SHINee's fansign. Eoddeokae.

I FEEL SO OVERWHELMED.
Like what I told everyone at the BT meeting, SMOTHERED.

Something like that. There's just so many, so many things to learn and do and overcome. So many to take note of.

I'm trying my darn best to adapt myself.

HOWEVER! I feel that it's no use being too worried or nervous about all of it. Just let them come to me. I'll embrace whatever they give me. I mean it's not like I can say - No no wait, I'm not ready, give me more time.

What the heck I'll just DO IT. Make mistakes and all.

Anyway what is this profession and its prejudices? Hmm maybe not the right word. Favouritism? Yeah. Somewhere along those lines.

To tell you the truth, my mind is not ready for all these at all. My mind is still childish. Still want to play around. Now so many responsibilities are enthrusted to me. I feel so... ADULT. And I'm ashamed to say I don't want it yet. ):

However. I don't have a choice. So I'll just make the best out of things.

It gets lonely sometimes too. But I believe this will get better over time, when I actually make a few friends.

And omg! The girls! AH! So many different characters. @.@ An 11-year-old girl knows about Marilyn Manson and how he performed in Singapore and how two of his fans committed suicide. WHOA. She's more well-informed than me.

Oh ya. I forgot to give a shoutout to Bob for his birthday on 31 Dec. Happy birthday Bob. (:

2009 in retrospect.

Honestly the first half of 2009 was a blur to me. Seemed so far away. It's like, the first half of 2009 happened five years ago. And then the last half of 2009 really did happen just six months ago.

Somewhere in the middle, the way I look at things, the way I look at the world and people around me, changed. My insights changed. My way of thinking changed.

I don't know if it's for the better or worse. But it changed, and so be it. It's not like me to mull over the past. But some things have succeeded in maiming certain parts of me, my character, how I perceive things.

And for those, I can't help but roll them over and over in my mind, thinking what could have been, and how it could all have been avoided.

Yet the past is past.

Anyways. I chose to be in the Maths dept, over the English dept. I'm kinda regretting it now lol. WHY MATHS. WHAT WAS I THINKING. If it was between Science and Eng of course Science. But between Maths and Eng, ENGLISH duuh.

(Why didn't they give me Science. T.T)

Oh wells. Fractions, percentage, ratio, angles, cuboids. I need to resuscitate the maths in my brain. Not so worried about English though. Just hope I don't make stupid mistakes like "on-ning the lights" (made by sec3 eng teacher. D:)

Anyways. I think having short hair is addictive. Hahah. Once you have short hair, you just wanna keep it short. I drastically cut mine really short again last week. WOOT. My hair is like Amelie's, if you've watched that awesome French movie. (:

I'm not in need, so I don't know. :/

[EDIT]

OMG JANUARY IS A HECTIC MONTH IT IS GOING TO FLY BY IN THE BLINK OF AN EYE WHAT DID I GET MYSELF INTO HAAAALP.