MOVED.
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Ah shit. I've typed out a long entry yesterday but I stupidly didn't save it. Sorry Michi, this is not what I originally wanted to post. Yeah this ~little girl has been bugging me to update. X)

Bahh. I feel frustrated sometimes. You'd think school and studying is hard and you'd wanted to quickly get over it. But the period after that is harder. Unless you're sure on what you want to do and are driven and passionate enough to follow through.

Now I think back... School is just an excuse for those of us with little aspirations. School kept us busy, distracted us. Now that we're out of school, we are lost.

I do have dreams. I want to achieve them. But then there's always the issue of money.

People should be thankful when they have others to pay for their education, pay for a comfortable life. I always always envy those who get to further their studies overseas, or get their driving license, or get a car, or get the latest in technology (cellphones, laptops, gaming devices.) Using what? Their parents' money. And it irks me sometimes when these people fail to show their appreciation. Instead, they complain and rant.

What the fuck.

I worked while studying so that I can afford a laptop. (Resulted in the decline of my studies) I also want a driving license, simple things like mp3 player, etc. But I have to work for them myself. Now that wouldn't be so hard if only I can find the right job.

I want to do something that I can do for the rest of my life. But even to achieve that is hard since I need money in the first place.

And to think I want to let my father retire. He's too old already. Way past retirement age. But obviously it's impossible since that effing bankruptcy problem came up again.

Yea I've never really told anyone about that. It's not something to talk about, because shit, I'm not the only one with problems right. And I don't want to be sympathised, even though I know my close friends won't judge. Just one thing though: family is merely a name, especially when they lie and trick you into bankruptcy. Especially when you don't deserve it. When you've been working to your bones your whole life trying to bring up three kids, barely making it. Family means nothing.

I don't want to talk about this anymore.

I should look forward to seeing CNBLUE live. (: And omg SHINee never fail to impress me. Their recent live session on Muzit is freaking amazing! No wonder I love them so much! No wonder they're at the top of my list!


LMNT! How cool is that?? LMNT is so the late 80ers' generation! Onew's generation.. perhaps Jonghyun's too. I doubt TaeKeyHo knows of them. It's the generation of boybands/girlbands. O-Town, N'Sync, Code Red, 911, Westlife, A1, Backstreet Boys, Bardot, TLC, Destiny's Child, Spice Girls. 8D 8D Maaaan I missed them all! LOL.

But you know all these bands, I only know of them through my cousins. At home, living with two older brothers, I listened to Green Day, Red Hot Chilli Peppers, Sugar Ray, Nirvana and The Cranberries. XD XD

I used to think that it's ridiculous for people to sing about something they've never experienced before. Years ago, I would have that mentality, going, pffft these kids have no idea what they're singing about.

But now I realise, you don't need to personally experience something in order to convey the same feelings. Look, how many times have WD trained ourselves in this aspect? We would shut off the lights, close our eyes and were asked to feel the music, understand the lyrics, and try to convey the message and emotions through our singing (though we shout and not sing >.<). And basically the result is the same.

That said, here's the beautiful Quasimodo live. (:


Oh. I bought Foer's third book. :D And I did my hair! Dyed and shaped it. :D :D Taemin's style in Onew's colour. Awesomez, loves it. For reference on what it looks like, watch the videos. 8D

I must inform you, Jonathan, that I am a very sad person. I am always sad, I think. Perhaps this signifies that I am not sad at all, because sadness is something lower than your normal disposition, and I am always the same thing. Perhaps I am the only person in the world then, who never becomes sad. Perhaps I am lucky.
- Jonathan Safran Foer (Everything is Illuminated)

People say I have potential. That I'm naturally smart. I've been given lots of opportunities to achieve the best, to go very far.

I could have gone to the top girls' secondary school. I could have taken third language. I could have taken triple sciences as O Level subjects. I could have gone to a good JC after that. I could have gone for any Diploma I wanted.

I could have easily achieved all that. I'm not bragging... I'm just.. pondering. At those points of time, I just don't know what I want yet. I wasn't sure if I wanted those. Somewhere along the way I lost my focus and I slowly became 'moderate'. (Not 'high' or 'low'. Haahah WD inside joke.)

Till now I still don't know what I want. I've tried doing a whole range of things. Nothing seems right so far. I want to do something that I enjoy. I don't really care about the money. I'm not a materialistic girl. I'll be glad enough to just have the simple pleasures in life.

What I enjoy right now are random simple things... reading, writing, Photoshop-ing (hehe), dikir barat, dancing, listening to music, sewing/cooking/baking? Spending most of my time on my laptop. I want to do something that combines 3-4 of those things. Is that possible?

But to forgo a 'bright, promising' future, a safe route; to let go of all those 'potential', and go for something simple, and not as promising, is a very very difficult thing to do. It's like taking a gamble.

Already people around me made so much noise when I opted for second best all these years.

That's why I really look up to Onew. Beyond his talent and whatnots. He was doing really well in school, what with graduating second in the whole school. My best was graduating seventh in primary school. Then he just decided to pursue singing instead.

When I found out, I just went... wow, that's admirable. It's not an easy decision to make. And don't celebrities usually not do well in school? Or do moderately? >.< Most of the time lah. He practically threw aside that bright future and go for his passion instead.

How I wish I'm even half as brave, determined or passionate. I'm just too indecisive.

Okay I don't want to continue talking about him. I just really admire him. Other than in this aspect, there are others too.

I'll bring up this quote again. One of my favourites. "It's nothing to be very proud of, (regarding graduating second) because everyone has their own strengths that is irreplaceable by others, isn't it more important to discover that strength and make use of it?"

TRUE. Also the reason why I don't like it when people envy me. There's nothing about me to be envious of. I don't take it as a compliment. It makes me feel like saying, "Shut up, you have qualities that I'm envious of, so stop bullshitting me."

Harsh eh? >.< It's true what.

***



"When you're tired and having a hard time
Please let me stay by your side
So I can give back to you the love I had only received
Before this life ends..."
- Life

***

Yes, my favourite boys came back with a second full album. (: Their vocals never cease to amaze me. It's what made them stand out from all the other groups.

So far I like all the slow songs. Love Pain, Obsession, Quasimodo. Then Sa.gye.hu, Your Name, Lucifer, Life. Then A-Yo. Then everything else. I like them all!

I might just be addicted to blogging. Though I don't update often. I just have so much to say sometimes and the only means to let them out is by blogging.

First and foremost, I shall talk about Wahana's latest achievement. (:

Since this is going to be the last one for some of us, I'd like to say proper thanks to the people involved, especially our mentors.

Thanks to Abang Ghadaf for being the bridge all these years. For his guidance and input. Thanks to Abang Shariff and Abang Talib for their dedication, writing beautiful songs that would suit us and challenge us. Thanks for your advice, I'm sure Kak Liza and Kak Ais have learnt a lot from you, and are now able to write amazing songs themselves, thanks to you. Thanks also for helping and supporting the two frontmen Kak Nisa and Kak Ais, in terms of song and message delivery. They are great because you are great. Thanks to Abang Anuar for giving the musicians amazing beats. You never fail to make the whole set much more exciting by fitting the percussions to the song, lyrics and message. The musicians have also learnt a lot from you. Thanks to Abang Zul, and recently Abang Nizam, for guiding us in terms of ragam/movements. We have learnt how important it is to convey the message of the song through the movements, and to do it with emotions. Finding perfect movements is not easy, and with each set, we've learnt. Thanks for also giving us chances to stand on our own, but still being there to guide us. Thanks to Abang Zaidy, for coming up with beautiful lyrics. Whenever you write, you never fail to impress. We still have a lot to learn in this aspect.

That was long. O.O

It was thanks to these people that Wahana is able to stand alone the past two years. With their guidance, we have been making our own sets. But for this Perdana, it was a one last effort together. A goodbye stage? Yeah.

I must also praise the girls on top. Kak Nisa, I'm going to miss you. No one can ever replace you as our Juara. *sobs* Kak Fid and Kak Raudah, where else can we find the perfect combination of Rebana and Anak Rebana players? *sobs harder* And the awoks who are leaving too... you are appreciated. Didn't we perform on the same stage four years ago? The scariest stage ever at Esplanade Theatre... @.@

Wahana has become a part of my life. If I'm not a part of it, I don't know what I would be doing. It has given me a lot of precious memories and golden opportunities, things that I never dreamt of doing. I love how my life is eventful thanks to it. At least my life is not some boring movie that you wouldn't want to watch even if you're paid to. The fulfilling feeling is there. It's not something tangible like money, but it's there.

"Life is what counts, not money."

~






Coz I did the line vector design, and I'm proud of it! Love the pen tool lol.